Family; I am thankful.

(Let's all ignore the fact that I haven't posted anything in almost four months.) 

I could sit here and wrack my brain for an eloquent way to explain myself and impress whoever is reading this, but simple is best. I am thankful. 

If someone were to ask me what exactly I am thankful for, my first thought would be my family. No question. Obviously there are thousands of other things that I am thankful for, but family is what resonates. 

God has blessed me with an amazing family. 10 people that fill my heart with so much love. (and that's just my immediate family) 

Parents, five siblings, two in-laws, and one niece. Each of them unique and quirky in their own way. 

I should've warned you, this post is going to be extremely sappy and gushy. 

To be honest, the writing of this post is inspired by my niece who was born in October. When I met her for the first time, my heart was just overcome with a crazy unconditional love for her. I mean I loved my family immensely before, but I feel as though the birth of my niece has reinspired my love and thankfulness for the whole family. It's crazy how a little person can bring everyone together. 

(Sorry Mom if this part makes you cry) When moving to Texas I didn't realize that I would feel the great distance between my family so quickly. Family that I lived with AND family that lives far away. Obviously I love my family, but I didn't realize that I would be so affected by moving away. On the last drive back to College Station from Oklahoma I found myself crying ten minutes into the trip. I'm talking full on blubbering, hiccups, danger to myself driving on the road because I was crying so hard. I called my sister who has lived away from family longer than me and just asked: "Is it ever going to be easy to leave?" and she so blatantly said no. She explained to me that although it won't hurt as much sometimes, it's never going to be easy. I'm honestly thankful that it's that hard to leave them.

I longed to stay with my family. I longed to stay with those who know me best. There are so many unknowns in life, but I love that I can always count on my family. This may sound as if I am bragging, but I don't care. I am crazy thankful for them.

I know that sometimes family can be difficult and I'm not going to have a perfect cookie cutter relationship with my whole family 100% of the time. (Trust me, I do not always love my family like I should.) But at the end of the day, God has placed each of them in my life perfectly. It wasn't an accident; I was always meant to have the family that I have. They have caused me to grow in ways I didn't think I could, and they have stretched my patience to a place I didn't think it could go. ;) I feel as though that is what family teaches you most of all. Patience and love. 

All of this to say: love those around you. Even if it's not your family. It could be friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. Just be thankful for your loved ones and make it known to them how much you care. There is always at least ONE thing in your life to be thankful for, what is that for you? It's incredibly easy to get caught in the day to day craziness of life and forget to tell people how you feel and how thankful you are. 

- J

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts.

I believe I appropriately titled this blog because my mind has been on overload lately. I stared at this blank page wondering where I should start... Where should I begin after not blogging for several years?

So here I sit (at the coffee shop where I work) just wracking my brain on what to write.

Here goes nothing.

As of October 23rd, I have lived in Aggieland for 2 months. It's so hard to believe. If someone had come up to me eight months ago and told me that I would be moving to Texas, I would've laughed in their face. I didn't know what I had planned, but it wasn't 100° weather. (Sorry, that wasn't too clever.) I have a nasty habit of taking 1,677,736,346,678 years to make any type of decision. (You should see me order at a coffee shop.) Even though I didn't have this crazy elaborate plan, I still knew what I DIDN'T want. Anyways.. Rant over. The point is I had my own plan, as much of a plan I could have and God made it abundantly clear that HE had other things in mind. 

Looking back now I realize that I was incredibly arrogant to believe that my plan was better. I fought God's plan then and I've fought it many other times as well. But now, in my current stage of life I can honestly say that I know God's plan is best. That sounds so incredibly corny, but I believe it with my whole heart. I don't even know why I try to make plans on my own because God is my Father and He knows what is best for me. In no way am I saying that it's EASY to "let go, and let God" but it is so incredibly freeing. One of favorite verses is Psalm 46:10. “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” (NLT) The first two words are my favorite. Be. Still. 
I imagine God saying that to me when I scared of the unknown in my life; scared of letting go. I'm freaking out and God just locks me in a hug and says: "Be still. I am God." That is just a crazy comfort for me. The (one and only) God of the universe CARES for me. 

He states over and over in the Bible about how much He cares for us. So why is it this hard for me to  let go and let Him have His way in my life? 

I know He has great plans for me.